No Songs About Tuna Fish
by Phindar
Summary: Suicide, ressurection, then crap. Enjoy!
1. Starry Starry Night

**Starry Starry Night**

_This is a work of fiction (obviously) and you don't have to like it. I don't want to get angry reviews about a) that I've gotten some song lyrics wrong or b) the music-blasting Canadians next door. The Canadians are a critical plot device, NOT a stereotype. I am Canadian myself, so you can be sure that this is NOT written with spite toward Canadians in general._

_So, without further ado, here it is._

_Disclaimer: I haven't even finished watching the first season of Inu Yasha. So sue me._

Kagome lay on her bed with her eyes closed, listening to the music blare from next door.

Strangely, it wasn't rap and didn't have a great, thumping bass line as one would have expected.

It was actually rather peaceful.

"you are my sunshine

my only sunshine

you make me happy

when skies are grey

you'll never know, dear

how much I love you

so please don't take

my sunshine

away."

Yes, she thought, she could get used to this sort of music. When one thought about it, one realized that it sort of related to her and Inu Yasha's relationship (or lack thereof) a bit.

She really did love him. She knew that now. She was just afraid of what he might think. If she confessed her feelings to him, that is.

Would he reveal that he felt something for her as well? Or would he simply laugh/ yell at her?

After much thought (she had been thinking about this for weeks now) it was decided that she would wait to see if he let anything slip. In the meantime, she would just continue to admire Inu Yasha from (semi) afar.

Smiling, she turned over. But the next verse caught her attention-

"the other night, dear

as I lay sleeping

I dreamed I held you in my arms

but when I woke, dear

I was mistaken

so I hung my head and cried."

Kagome froze. What if, in waiting, she might lose him forever? After all, Kikyo was still after him.

Her thought process was now back to where it had started, but with a nagging little element of depression and doubt that hadn't been there before.

Curse you, you music-blasting Canadians, she thought, and shook a fist in the general direction of their house.

Inu Yasha sat in a tree and agonized.

He had been doing this nightly now for the past six weeks.

He realized that yes, he truly loved Kagome, but it felt very wrong when he considered that Kagome was Kikyo reincarnated. It's like falling in love with her daughter, he shuddered.

The half-demon had to keep telling himself that he couldn't have both of them. A choice had to be made, and once it was made, it could never be undone.

Moonlight shone down upon his worry-ridden face. He didn't worry very often, but when he did, it showed.

He couldn't give up either of the women, for their sakes. Kagome was just too young, innocent and naive for a flat-out refusal of any intentions. She probably loved him; he could feel tenderness in every gaze of hers. It would be way too big of a letdown for her. She might start doing all sorts of things to take her mind off it...

And he really didn't want to risk that.

And Kikyo? Another betrayal would force her to great extremes. She would probably go all kamikaze and run at him with a huge knife.

Not a pleasant thought.

So tonight, he thought of alternatives to a choice between them. He was looking for the easy way out.

The possibility had occurred to him of running off with Miroku. He had seen the lecherous monk give him funny looks every so often, and he hadn't missed their meaning.

But frankly, the idea just didn't appeal to him.

He was left with only one other option- a course of action that he had been finding more and more attractive recently...

Kagome sat up and looked out her window at the house of the Canadians.

Their garage door had been painted to resemble Van Gogh's "Starry Starry Night." Her family thought that it was pretty garish, but she rather liked it. It was beautifully unique.

And right now, their speakers were blasting Don McLean's "Vincent."

She smiled. The Van Gogh-obsessed freaks. But at least they were predictable, when nothing else in this world seemed to be.

Especially Inu Yasha. She could never seem to figure him out.

"starry starry night

paint your palette blue and grey

look out on a summer's day

with eyes that know the darkness in my soul

shadows on the hills

sketch the trees and the daffodils

catch the breeze and the winter chills

in colours on the snowy linen land."

Kagome fell asleep for a while. She couldn't help it. It was a rather slow song and had the feel of a lullaby.

She awoke in time for the next chorus, the "gist" of the song.

"and now I understand

what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity

and how you tried to set them free

they would not listen, they did not know how

perhaps they'll listen now

for they could not love you

but still your love was true

and when no hope was left in sight

on that starry, starry night

you took your life as lovers often do

But I could have told you, Vincent

this world was never meant for one as beautiful as you."

Once again, Kagome sat bolt upright. Now she had her answer, and silently thanked the Van Gogh-obsessed Canadians next door. Without them, she would never have known what to do.

And she knew exactly where to do it.

She quietly got out of bed, dressed (even though it was around midnight) and went to the kitchen.

One might think that her kitchen visit was for a midnight snack. It wasn't.

When this was accomplished, she set out for the Bone-Eater's Well.

Under the starlight, Inu Yasha sat and stroked the Tetsusaiga. He knew that it would change for him, as what he was doing would be for the protection of mortals.

He realized that his ultimate goal had to be accomplished tonight. Only under this eerie starlight did he have the nerve. Any other night, he would back out purely out of fear before the job was done.

And tonight, that was the last thing he wanted.

Kagome jumped into the well, silently drinking in every moment of the journey. If all went well, this would be the last time she would have to make it.

Her ears strained to pick out a brief snatch of "Lovers in a Dangerous Time"

"when you're lovers in a dangerous time

sometimes you're made to feel as if your love's a crime

nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight

you've got to kick at the darkness 'til it bleeds daylight."

Bit late for that now, she thought bitterly.

Dark, threatening storm clouds gathered swiftly on both sides of the well, and a low rumble of thunder could be heard in the distance.

The smell of rain grew heavy in the air.

Kagome climbed out of the well, holding the long, slim knife she'd gotten from the kitchen.

Now was the time.

She sat on the well's edge with the knife poised above her left wrist. She was waiting. Waiting for what, she didn't really know. Some sort of signal from the heavens, she guessed.

Inu Yasha sat in his tree, the Tetsusaiga positioned over his heart. He did have his doubts that it would kill him, as it only seemed to work on demons and he was half human. Killing half might be enough.

But this seemed the only way to do things, short of diving from a cliff to the ground below. And there were several problems even with that:

1) there weren't any cliffs directly at hand,

and 2) there was always the chance that he would land on his feet.

Being run through with a giant demon-slaying sword was the easiest way to die.

A flash of lightning ripped through the air and lit a tree on fire.

This was the signal that Kagome had been waiting for. She slit both of her wrists and waited for herself to bleed to death.

Inu Yasha thrust the Tetsusaiga into his body. The tip, glistening with blood, appeared at his back.

The lovers died almost simultaneously.

The pouring rain washed their blood away, and the next morning was as fresh, clear and beautiful as any before it.

Kagome's family assumed that she had run off with Inu Yasha (which was reasonably close to the truth) and wept a little, but were happy that she'd finally found her place in life.

Those in the Warring States era knew better.

Miroku was the one to find their bodies. He slumped against a tree, overcome with grief.

Kagome and Inu Yasha were buried side-by-side on a starry, starry night much like the one on which they had taken their lives.

"starry starry night

portraits hung in empty halls

frameless heads on nameless walls

with eyes that watch the world and can't forget

like the strangers that you've met

the ragged men in ragged clothes

the silver thorn, a bloody rose

lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow

and now I think I know

what you tried to say to me

how you suffered for your sanity

and how you tried to set them free

they would not listen, they're not listening still

perhaps they never will."

Fin.

_I guess that "the silver thorn, a bloody rose," is sort of a metaphor for Inu Yasha and Kagome._

_Didn't realize it when I was writing this. _


	2. I will survive

**I Will Survive**

part two in the 'No Songs About Tuna Fish' series

_if you liked 'Starry Starry Night' and are reading this expecting more of the same, don't. This is silly crap. In this, Miroku is gay, Kagome and Inu Yasha are resurrected, and characters can go down the well who shouldn't be able to. Just thought I should warn you._

_By the way, the title 'No Songs About Tuna Fish' comes from an Arrogant Worms song called 'Sponges.'_

_It goes, sponges, sponges yeah. Sponges, sponges yeah. Sponges suck, sponges suck. Sponges suck up soap and when you squeeze them out they make bubbles. Bubbles..._

_Anyway, there's this one bit in it where it goes, there's lots of songs of peace, lots of songs of love, even songs about peaches, and valkyries, no songs about TUNA FISH, TUNA FISH, THEY'RE REAL BIG, SWIM IN OCEANS COME IN CANS LIKE HOCKEY PUCKS, TUNA GOT THEIR NAME 'CUZ THEY DON'T SWIM IN PAIRS. Then there's a quiet bit: Get it? Two-nah. Are there two of those fish? Nah. Tu-na. 'S funny... I like tuna._

_Enough explanation._

_Disclaimer/warning: I don't own any names or anything. Plus there's shameless Koss-dissing. Because Koss sucks. Buy Sony! Listen to the great Agent Spikyflower and don't make the same mistakes she did. _

Miroku leaned against Kagome's old bicycle, sobbing. Even three months later, he still hadn't gotten over the suicides. Her bike was now his to keep, but he was too bust stroking it to ride it.

He desperately missed Inu Yasha, and really needed somebody to talk to.

So he had climbed down the well and went to see the late Kagome's Van Gogh-obsessed neighbors. They offered him few words of support, but loaned him a CD player and burned a CD with multiple inspiring and uplifting songs on it.

Now he sat, sobbing and listening to such gems of wisdom as Teen Angel, which only seemed to exacerbate the problem. He was a weeping, blubbery mess and proud of it.

And Shippo didn't help things by drifting about like a lost puppy (or fox-child, as it was).

Sango had disappeared into the mountains; nobody knew exactly where. All they knew was that she was exterminating demons someplace, as usual.

Myoga had hopped off to find Sesshomaru. Miroku thought that he was a filthy deserter, but respected his loyalty to the family nonetheless. The little flea certainly had dedication.

Late that night, when it seemed that Miroku could cry no more (this happened daily), he pulled himself together and went to ask Kaede what he should do. He was sick of being a quivering blob.

"About what?" She was rather depressed herself. Kagome had been like a grand-daughter to her and she was finding it quite difficult to cope with the loss.

"Kagome and Inu Yasha's deaths. I really liked Kagome and respected (here he was very firm) Inu Yasha. How do I..."

"Cope?" Kaede guessed.

"Repair the damage."

"What do ye mean?"

"I want to bring them back!"

After some discussion it was decided that Inu Yasha would be fairly easy to resurrect; Kagome, not so much. For Inu Yasha all they had to do was bring several fragments of the Shikon Jewel near him. That, or make him really angry, as he was only half-dead. To accomplish this noble goal they could have Sesshomaru desecrate his grave in original and inventive ways. There were rumours that he was a necrophiliac so this wouldn't be terribly hard.

When Shippo heard of this, he was NOT impressed.

"EWWWWW! Incest!"

So, out of respect for Inu Yasha's body, that option was out.

And there were problems with the Shikon Jewel idea, too.

"We buried the Jewel fragments with Kagome's body," Kaede confirmed. "If Inu Yasha had truly wanted it, he would have taken it by now."

An easier, more effective plan had to be devised. They thought for a while, but no flashes of inspiration came. Finally, after a great deal of pondering and several pots of tea, Shippo came up with the answer.

"What if somebody just went up to the grave and said, 'Sesshomaru is Kikyo's new lover'?"

Everybody agreed that it would most definitely work. They drew straws to see who would be the lucky (perhaps) necromancer. There was a bit of controversy, as the first time they drew straws they were all the same length, but that was swiftly resolved.

Miroku got the job. Nobody envied him, or offered to go in his place. Inu Yasha would probably dismember him as his first act upon resurrection.

Night fell. There was absolutely no light, as clouds covered the stars. It seemed the perfect setting for dancing with death.

Miroku waited around for a while, trying to put things off somewhat. He had great fear of what would happen when Inu Yasha arose from the grave. He'd probably be terribly vengeful and have a sudden thirst for Miroku's blood.

Naturally, Miroku procrastinated as much as possible.

Finally he decided that enough was enough. He uncovered Inu Yasha's festering, rotting head and placed a quick kiss on his maggot-ridden lips, then, in disgust, re-covered the grave and strewed a few flowers upon it.

Sango caught him standing there, looking rather guilty and with a maggot still crawling on his lips.

"What in the name of Hell do you think you're doing?" she demanded.

"Umm...I like maggots?" he said, smiling sheepishly and spitting out the maggot in question.

Sure you do, she thought, but decided to leave it. She really didn't want to go there.

A brilliant idea occurred to Miroku. "Sango, do you wish to help me with something?"

"What?" she asked, somewhat startled.

"I have been asked to resurrect Inu Yasha."

"Are you really that powerful?"

"In a manner of speaking. What I need you to do is whisper something."

"An incantation?"

"Of sorts."

He told her, and she agreed that it might work.

"But we shall probably have to wait a while," he said, "for Inu Yasha's wounds and decomposing bits to completely heal. He looks like cheese."

"How do you know that?"

"Er, speculation."

"Sure."

Meanwhile, the CD player was blasting Suspicious Minds. Sango thought that it was appropriate, but Miroku quickly reached over and changed it to the next track.

"First I was afraid

I was petrified

Kept thinking I could never live without you by my side

Then I spent so many nights thinking how you did me wrong

And I grew strong

I learned how to get along..."

It was during this brief interlude that Sango whispered the magic words-

"Sesshomaru is Kikyo's new lover."

As anybody who has heard I Will Survive before will know, there isn't really an interlude there. However, Miroku and Sango were dancing around so much that they jogged the CD player and made it skip. It was Koss, so really it was to be expected.

It finally got back on track, so they sang along.

"And so you're back

from outer space

I just walked in to find you here with that sad look upon your face

I should have changed that stupid lock

I should have made you leave the key

If I'd known for just one second you'd be back to bother me

Go on now, go!

Walk out the door!

Just turn around now

'cause you're not welcome anymore..."

They didn't notice that Inu Yasha had climbed out of the grave; they were too busy dancing.

They did notice, however, when he screamed, "SESSHOMARU! You bastard!"

Miroku jumped, and Sango fainted. Neither had actually thought that he would come back to life. They had hoped, but hope is rarely enough to revive a corpse.

"Good morning," Miroku stared cheerfully. Inu Yasha just stared at him as a spectator might a circus freak.

"Do you know where Sesshomaru is?"

"Why?"

"So I can kill him," he said rather matter-of-factly.

"Oh, that," he smiled. "You needn't worry about Sesshomaru. That was just a trick we'd thought up to make you angry enough to want to live."

"Ah. And whose idea was it?"

"Shippo's, actually."

"Damn fox-child."

Inu Yasha suddenly noticed the absence of something very important.

"Where's Kagome?"

"In the ground, beside where you were buried."

"Don't tell me..."

"Yes," Miroku said gently. "She slit her wrists at about the same time that you plunged the Tetsusaiga into your chest."

"NOOOOO!"

Inu Yasha was absolutely inconsolable. Any time someone tried to offer words of encouragement or support, he just listlessly waved the Tetsusaiga (still covered in his blood) at them. Even so, they took shifts watching him. Nobody wanted Inu Yasha to commit suicide again, not after all their hard work.

Miroku finally yelled (from a safe distance, of course), "WE WERE GOING TO BRING KAGOME BACK TOO, YOU KNOW!"

"wouldn't work," grumbled Inu Yasha.

"Why not?"

"she's mortal. Or was, anyway."

"So? You told me that the old witch-thing brought back Kikyo."

"that was completely different."

But the image persisted in his mind. If Kagome's wounds could be healed, then there was the possibility of life after death for her. Now he had a reason to live.

So, in general celebration, Miroku borrowed a Don McLean CD from the Van Gogh-obsessed Canadians. Kagome had always liked Don McLean, especially American Pie. Nobody could figure out what it meant, but she liked it all the same.

Miroku enlisted the aid of Kaede, and as they used various ointments and performed healing rites, Sango, Shippo and Inu Yasha watched. If Kagome did indeed return to life, as they hoped, it would be a spectacle that nobody wanted to miss. They waited, breath held in apprehension.

Kaede and Miroku finally announced that they were finished.

"We've done all we can. It will be up to her and her will to live now."

They sat and waited for an hour or so.

Nothing happened.

Shippo started to nod off, and Sango left to take care of "a slight demon problem."

Only Kaede, Miroku and Inu Yasha were left.

Finally Kaede got up to make some tea and Miroku to pray for Kagome's soul. Inu Yasha stayed, staring at Kagome's corpse intently.

Days passed. Inu Yasha neither ate nor slept, even when Kaede offered him a quilt and some tea.

"no thanks," he murmured, so she left with her tea.

Even when Sesshomaru ran by, being chased by Sango and Kilala, Inu Yasha barely stirred.

"He seems to be in some sort of trance," Miroku observed.

Shippo nodded. "Being dead tends to do that to you."

Kagome's eyelids finally fluttered open one night when the scent of rain was heavy in the air and everyone but Inu Yasha was fast asleep.

He almost couldn't believe it until she whispered, "Inu...Yasha?"

Jumping up, he screamed a great cry of joy.

"KAGOME! You're alive! It worked!"

"I was dead?"

"YES! BUT NOW YOU'RE ALIVE! AND EVERYTHING IS BEAUTIFUL AND HAPPY AND PERFECT!"

"Right, 'cause I slit my wrists, and then..."

She didn't get a chance to finish. Inu Yasha had jumped on top of her and was smothering her with kisses.

At that instant, the clouds broke and there was a torrential downpour. Soaked, Kagome's blouse was rendered transparent, but she didn't really mind. After all, Inu Yasha had already seen her in the nude several times anyway so this was very minor.

He'd never kissed her like this before, though.

Inu Yasha finally came up for air. He panted for a while.

"Whoa..." Kagome breathed.

"I love you," the half-demon murmured, looking deeply into her eyes.

"Likewise," she said.

They were happily cuddling when a small glob of vomit landed not two feet from them. Looking up, Kagome saw that Shippo was the culprit. He had been sitting up in a tree the whole time and they hadn't noticed.

"EWWWWW!" he squealed.

"Yes, we really don't need to see that," Sango chimed in, stepping out of the shadows.

Miroku simply grinned and was a little jealous.

Of Kagome.

Smiling sheepishly, the lovers left for the privacy of a small fisherman's hut.

_yeah, at that last bit, I REALLY needed someone to throw up/puke/vomit/upchuck/talk into the great white telephone. Felt like it myself, to be completely honest. It was just too damn lovey-dovey._

_Stay tuned for part three, in which I screw things up even more! Yay!_


	3. Dark inside

**D a r k i n s i d e**

_I said it was coming, now here it is. I really don't know why I wanted to do this. I guess... I just felt like lashing out at something. So here we are. Have read more InuYasha since the last chappie, so expect more chars, more knowledge and more ways to screw with stuff. Like yee diddly haw._

_Disclaimer- anything can and will happen, but there probably won't be much profanity, and no smut. And since this is a fic all chars are copyright Rumiko Takahashi._

Kagome hopped down the well, smiling cheerily. Life was good. She was happily in love with InuYasha, Miroku wasn't hitting on her, and...

Yeah. That was about it.

AAAANYWAY.

Funny- it had been a sunny day back home in present-day Japan, but back here in the Warring States era it was raining, and black clouds loomed overhead. She supposed that there had to be some little weather quirks when you were jumping from one time period to the next. Ah well. Such was life.

---

Hojo knocked at the door of the Higurashi residence.

"Hello?"

No answer. He knocked harder.

"Is anyone home?" he asked hopefully. "I brought some homeopathic stuff for Kagome- said it was good for chronic acne, like you said she had."

Kagome's grandfather opened the door.

"I hate to say it, kid," (he paused for dramatic effect) "but you haven't got a prayer."

Hojo was startled. "What?"

"Kagome's got a boyfriend now."

"NOOOO!"

Poor Hojo ran away sobbing.

---

Kirara skipped through the meadow.

Daisies were left flattened in her wake.

And the reader wondered what in the name of poptarts was going on.

---

Kagome ran into InuYasha's arms. His rough embrace gave her comfort beyond anything she had ever known.

"So what's been happening?" she murmured.

InuYasha attempted to shrug, then realized he couldn't while he was holding on to her. "Oh, the usual. Demons, Naraku, you know- that sort of thing." He played with a strand of her hair. "Oh, right- Kikyo came to visit last night."

Kagome stepped back, shocked. "What? Did... did anything... you know... happen?"

InuYasha blushed. "Um... yeah... kinda."

Kagome ran away sobbing. "You fricking two-timer!"

InuYasha scratched his head, then yelled after her fleeing form. "IT WASN'T MY IDEA! okay, well, maybe it was... um... GET BACK HERE!"

From his shoulder, Myoga muttered, "Like that's going to help."

---

Kagome leaned against a tree, chin resting on knees, hair covering her face, and feeling totally dark inside. Why had she ever trusted the half-demon? What had made her think that he would completely give up Kikyo now that they were a couple? What had given her the idea that he was any better than his brother?

And why the hell did she still love him?

Soft footsteps padded up beside her, although she didn't notice, staring off into space and wondering what she would do. Tears coursed their gentle, salty path down her cheeks.

"Hello." The voice was soft, quiet, cultured. And familiar.

Kagome looked up, red eyes bleary. "Sesshomaru?"

"Yes. Something wrong?"

Kagome sniffed. Like he cared. "Your stupid bastard of a brother cheated on me, THAT'S what's wrong. And he'll keep doing it! I know he will! And I'm never gonna be able to stop him unless I kill Kikyo, and that would make him hate me forever!"

Sesshomaru looked thoughtful for a while. "Perhaps we could help each other, then. I could kill the mortal woman for you, and you could..."

Kagome perked up. "Yes?"

"Set me up with Kirara." His normally pale, composed face seemed to acquire a bit of a flush. Did he really feel that way about the cat-thing? It was impossible to tell, although he was playing with his hair so much...

"Yeah, okay, why not?"

---

InuYasha looked into the cave. The tainted patch was still there, and probably would ever be. The heart of the bandit Onigumo- it was as black as night, and as perverted as...

Well, he couldn't think of a comparison for that, but it would probably come after he didn't need it anymore.

Drawing the Tetsusaiga, he edged his way deeper into the cave. There had to be something here- something to help him win back Kagome, or become all-demon, or...

Instead, he found Miroku. The monk was poking the tainted dirt with his staff. It didn't seem to be doing anything. Nevertheless, he continued to prod the soil.

InuYasha spoke up. "What are you...?" The monk simply looked at him, as though he should know.

"Er... never mind."

_more's coming. but after this. it's just getting me back into my groove, you understand._


	4. Time After Time

_It's not so much an obsession- it's more that it's taken over my life._

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything, there are wonky pairings, prob some profanity, and... Yeah. I think that's it._

_Oh, yeah. There might end up being some innuendo. There sorta was in the last chapter._

_Another short one. Deal with it._

---

"If you're lost, then you look, and you will find me/ Time after time/ If you fall I will catch you; I'll be waiting/ Time after time..."

Kagome hummed happily, cuddling Kirara. This was the agreed meeting place- a small, rocky cave in the mountains. Sesshomaru would meet her here, and she could bargain for the love of InuYasha.

A silhouette darkened the entrance to the cave, and Kagome looked up, letting Kirara go for an instant to smooth down her skirt. That would be Sesshomaru, come to tell her that Kikyo was dead. Such a relief that would be. And Kaede would probably be rather proud of her, too- she didn't approve of her older sister's unnatural life.

But no- it wasn't the one-armed demon, after all. It was Koga.

"What are you doing here?" she gasped. She hadn't expected this.

"I was told you'd be here."

"By whom?"

"Kagura."

---

InuYasha sat down beside the tainted soil. "I actually have a question for you."

Miroku looked up from prodding the dirt. "What is it?"

"I-I did something... which upset Kagome. She ran off... crying."

"And this is my problem why?"

"Well, I was wondering if you knew how I could win her trust back."

Miroku pointedly looked at the soil. "Women's hearts are not easily mended, InuYasha. They bear scars for a long time. It would be best if you let her be for a while. She will come back to you in due time, I am sure."

InuYasha nodded. "She always has."

"See?" The monk smiled. "Nothing to worry about. Now help me out with this."

"What is it that you're doing?"

"I'm trying to find out the secrets of the bandit's transformation into Naraku. Unfortunately, the soil seems to be somewhat unresponsive at this point. I need something to help it be more co-operative."

"What do you need?"

"The tears of a virgin."

InuYasha blushed. "Um... can't help you there. Sorry."

"Yes, but you could get Kagome to cry for you."

"How do you know she's...?"

Miroku looked at him. "You think, after all my experience, I wouldn't be able to tell?"

"Right."

---

Koga ran along, carrying Kagome.

"Put me down, you brute!"

"If you're to be my mate, you should at least be considerate."

Kagome made a rude gesture at him. "F consideracy! Just put me down!"

"Tough."

---

Naraku rubbed his hands together. "All is falling into place."

_falling into place, falling into place. Lalalala..._


	5. Stooooopidity, et cetera

**This was written after boogieing (sp?) to Play that Funky Music, so don't blame me if it's whacked out. Also, I am currently on a brownie trip. But like you care.**

**Disclaimer- all chars belong to their respective owners (this is fanfiction, after all.) Except Sydni, who is mine. Kidding, actually. She's Phim's and Taryn's.**

**Why is this so dumb? Well, actually, it's just getting any possible guest stars back to the Warring States era. A set-up. Ignore if you like.**

**Bandoids who'll guest star- Mel, me (yep. I've been writ in, by myself. Twice! You'll see), Sydni, Taryn, and Jessica if I can badger her enough to give me permission.**

**Oh. And maybe Phim. How she'll get there, I don't know.**

**If it's short, don't blame me. There will be longer ones when my attention span is back to normal and I don't end up writing chappies all in one day.**

**---**

It was a band festival.

But not just any band festival- this was a global fest, to promote peace. And stuff. Somehow the SAS band had managed to scrape by well enough during the nationals to merit an invitation to the world one. Go figure- all the flutes could now play the Ayres of Agincourt, something that had been deemed impossible at first. Because admittedly, they had sucked.

So the global- world- whatever- thing was being held in Japan this year.

And the plane ride was wicked boring.

"Are we there yet?" Rose whined. She'd finished her book, and the ocean seemed to last forever.

"No."

"Est-ce que nous sommes là encore?"

"Non."

"Sind wir dort schon?"

"Nein."

---

Meanwhile, a seat or two back-

"...he ran by me, got my soup damp..."

"Wait a sec- soup damp?"

"My bad."

---

Finally, they arrived. Everyone got to the motel and crashed.

---

The festival wasn't until Wednesday (and this was Monday) so there was time to explore.

The poor chimney elf awoke early. This was due to Taryn tickling her and squealing, "FEESHY FEESHY!"

---

The first stop was at Higurashi Shrine. Why? Because it looked cool. No other reasons were needed.

Those who did not, in fact, speak Japanese were wandering around blankly.

Whining again, Rose complained, "Why does everyone speak Japanese here?"

"Because we're in Japan."

She smacked her forehead. "Duuuh." The little group advanced into the shrine, noting the deep well.

"Dare ya to jump down that," the serf-beast elbowed Taryn.

"SURE!"

She- didn't hit the bottom. Which freaked everyone out. So a small group of people went after her.

---

**Thar she blows. Possibilities abound, although I have not yet saved it from the quicksand of STUPIDITY. And I doubt I ever will.**

**Liiiiiiek yee-diddly-haw, folks.**


	6. You're So Vain

_Due to a crap-tastic chapter 5, I was not sure if I even wanted to continue this. Fortunately, a boring Math class saved this from th Pit of Unfinished Stories and now we have a chapter six._

_Warnings:_

_All characters belong to their respective creators._

_---_

"You walked in to the party like you were walking onto a yacht/ Your hat strategically dipped below one eye; your scarf, it was apricot/ You had one eye in the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte/ And all the girls dreamed that they'd be your partner..."

Sango looked up at Miroku. "Where did you get that scarf? I've never seen it before."

He shrugged. "A lady gave it to me for some reason. Now, where were we?"

InuYasha thought for a while. "Um... I think we were going to save Kagome from Koga."

"Oh, yeah, that's right."

InuYasha flopped against the wall of the samll house they'd borrowed for the night. The plan was to get an early start tomorrow morning and find Koga's mountain hideout as quickly as they could. It wasn't as though Kagome couldn't survive by herself for as long as necessary, but they really had no idea what might be done to her during the time she was with the wolf-demon. Anything- yes, even _that_, could happen.

---

Naraku stole away to the treehouse of the shadowy figure he was to report to.

"It all seems to be working well, my lady."

White teeth flashed in the darkness, hopefully a smile. "Good. Now, I want you to delay these four somehow... I think perhaps I shall send one of my associates to help you, because although you ARE hot, I do not believe that you will be able to accomplish what I wish you to. You and your lackeys have proved yourself ridiculously incompetent on several occasions before and I will not trust you to do this job for me alone. Understood?"

The demon lord nodded. "Of course, my lady. Tell me what you require of me, and it will be done."

She appeared to smile again. "Lean in a bit closer, and I shall."

---

Birds were happily twittering in the now-blooming cherry trees, and the spring air was warm on Miroku's face as he walked beside the others the next day. Saving Kagome would be a piece of cake. They would just do as they always did- run in, kick ass, save Kagome's, and then complain about it afterwards.

This all changed when the fuzzy white baboon skin reared up in front of them.

InuYasha jumped. "It's NARAKU!" he yelled.

Well, obviously.

"I'll KILL YOU for what you did to Kikyo!"

Probably not.

The baboon-skin-clad figure ripped the fur off. It was not, in fact, Naraku as they'd suspected. It was a ridiculously tall teenager in the stereotypical ninja garb. She smiled, then threw a bunch of shuriken at them. Nobody except Sango were quick enough to escape the throwing stars of DOOM, and as she rolled off into the bushes, Mothra swooped down and ate her.

Because nobody likes her anyway.

The SUPER-NINJA bounded off, and InuYasha, Miroku, Shippo, and Mothra were left bleeding on the ground.


End file.
